My friends post pictures with sun-kissed skin and pink lips
I’m not so convinced
I don’t keep up with the news as much as I should but last I checked
There was a solar eclipse everywhere but here
I know that doesn’t sound possible but I promise this is reality
If it weren’t I couldn’t still…
I’m finally going to write in my journal today. Right now.
As much as I rather not admit feeling upset, feeling this feeling of feeling nausea because no other emotion can describe my state, I feel it.
It’s all in myself, and I have created this negativity within me.
In my defense I don’t think I’ve created it as much as I have taken information and my own preconceived feelings and distorted them into a way that makes me want to quit.
Quit what? I can’t—I don’t want to.
But I can’t lie and say I have not imagined it. Imagined quitting. Because it’s always easier to quit, isn’t it?
I DON’T WANT. BUT I DO.
I have become someone, I have entered a new stage in my life where things that I wish never mattered to me do. THINGS.
I blame these things that have slowly crept over me above me under me.
Being someone who wants even her blinks to have a purpose, a meaning, when I feel lost in a situation…It burns.
I don’t believe I’m strong enough to withhold from these feelings anymore, these doubts.
I strive to be different, to be better than them!
This is when I am coming to face the reality in the matter.
I am no different. You are no different. We are all no different.
But let me pretend that this isn’t so for a while longer…because today hurts.